Thasking: The Silent Killer of Donor Trust

Let’s cut right to the chase.

If you’re still thanking donors and asking them for another gift in the same breath, you are not stewarding relationships—you are sabotaging them. And yes, there’s a word for this insidious little habit: thasking.

Thasking is when a nonprofit attempts to express gratitude and solicit the next gift in the same communication. It’s the equivalent of handing someone a birthday present and immediately asking if they’ll buy you one next week. You might mean well. You might even tell yourself it’s “efficient.” But let’s be honest—it’s just plain rude.

At the Donor Relations Group, we have a mantra: No. Thasking. Ever. We don’t whisper it. We shout it from the rooftops. We slap it on mugs and T-shirts. We tattoo it (okay, maybe not yet, but the day is young). Because thasking is the ultimate donor trust breaker. It’s the fastest way to turn a moment of joy into a moment of manipulation.

And yet... it’s everywhere.

Let me paint a picture for you. A donor makes a gift—let’s say $100 to your year-end campaign. She’s feeling good. She believes in your mission. She took time out of her busy day to support your work. And what does she get in return? A receipt (maybe). A letter (hopefully). And within that letter or email? A sentence like: “Thank you for your support. Please consider making another gift today to help us continue our work.”

Cue the record scratch. You just hijacked her goodwill and turned it into another transaction.

Let’s stop pretending this is okay.

Gratitude is sacred. It’s the foundation of the donor relationship. When someone gives your organization money—money they could have spent on groceries, rent, or a dozen other causes—they are doing something extraordinary. And your job, your sacred responsibility, is to honor that act. Not to monetize it. Not to leverage it. To recognize it.

When you thask, what you’re really saying is: “Your last gift wasn’t enough.”

You may not mean that. But it’s how it feels.

And feelings, friends, are everything.

Behavioral economists and psychologists alike will tell you that giving is primarily an emotional decision. Donors give because something moved them. A story. A value. A belief. So, when you immediately pivot from “thank you” to “can we have more?” you’re not building on that emotion. You’re undermining it. You’re turning generosity into guilt.

And donors can smell it. They might not call it “thasking,” but they know when a thank-you isn’t real. They know when it’s a setup. And when that happens too often? They stop giving altogether.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you cannot guilt someone into loyalty.

So why does thasking persist?

Because nonprofits are scared. Scared of missing out on dollars. Scared that if they don’t capitalize on momentum, they’ll be forgotten. Scared that every communication must drive revenue or it’s a wasted opportunity.

But here’s the truth that too many organizations forget: the donor relationship is not a one-time transaction—it’s a long game. And in that game, trust and connection are your most valuable currencies.

You don’t build trust by thasking. You build it by creating space between the gratitude and the ask. By letting your thank-you breathe. By showing your donors that you see them as people, not ATMs.

And here’s the kicker: when you stop thasking, donors give more.

Yes, more.

Because when donors feel valued—not just for their wallets, but for their humanity—they are more likely to give again. They’re more likely to stay with your organization. To increase their gift. To tell their friends. To become champions and legacy donors and monthly givers. But none of that happens if you shortcut the stewardship.

Let me put it another way. Imagine your boss stops by your desk to say, “Hey, great job on that project.” Before you even have a chance to say thanks, they follow it with, “So can you also take on these three other tasks by Friday?” Do you feel seen? Valued? Or do you feel used? That’s what thasking feels like to your donors. It takes what should be a moment of recognition and turns it into an assignment.

That’s not how you build morale. That’s how you destroy it.

Gratitude, like trust, takes time. It deserves its own moment. It deserves intention. And it deserves to be free of expectation. A thank-you should not be a Trojan horse carrying your next campaign. It should be a standalone act of appreciation.

So, what does that look like?

It looks like a handwritten note that tells the donor exactly what their gift made possible. A video message from a beneficiary or staff member. A follow-up call a few weeks later just to say “thank you” again. It looks like data shared with transparency and warmth. It looks like time, energy, and care.

And most importantly, it looks like patience.

If your stewardship is strong, the next gift will come. And when it does, it won’t be because you squeezed it out of someone with a two-for-one “thank-you/ask” combo. It will be because you built a relationship that was worthy of another investment.

That’s what we should be striving for—not quick wins, but meaningful, lasting partnerships.

And, if you’re reading this and realizing, “Oh no, we’re thaskers,” don’t panic. Just change. Declare a thasking moratorium. Scrub your acknowledgments. Rebuild your stewardship strategy. Train your staff. Rewrite your templates. Get serious about gratitude.

Because you know what’s worse than thasking?

Knowing it’s wrong—and doing it anyway.

Our donors deserve better. They deserve clean, clear, unconditional thanks. They deserve to feel like the heroes they are. And you, dear nonprofit warrior, deserve to work in a culture that understands the power of real gratitude.

It’s time to make a pact. Right here, right now. No more thasking. Not in your letters. Not in your emails. Not in your receipts or reports. Let the thank-you stand on its own. Let it shine.

And watch what happens when your donors start to feel truly seen.

Spoiler alert: it’s magical.

Written by Lynne Wester

If you’re ready to say goodbye to thasking and other outdated practices—or want to bring your team up to speed on donor communications and stewardship best practices—we’re here to help. Reach out to the DRG team today.