Is Anything Ever Really Broken? 7 Ways to Repair Donor Relationships and Rebuild Trust

No matter how carefully we plan, mistakes happen. When this happens, it can be tempting to panic, delay, or hope the situation quietly resolves itself. But silence is rarely the answer. In fact, silence often does more damage than the original mistake.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. The broken items are repaired with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. It symbolizes resilience, the beauty of imperfection, and embracing one's history. It reminds us that breakage and repair are part of an object's history, not something to hide, making it more beautiful and unique than before. This philosophy can extend to our human experiences as well. The truth is, a single misstep doesn’t have to destroy a donor relationship. When handled well, it can actually strengthen trust and deepen the partnership. Donors don’t expect perfection—but they do expect honesty, responsiveness, and care.

I learned this personally the hard way, in the very first weeks of my donor relations career…

My First Donor Relations Test

I had just started my first-ever donor relations job. I was so green I wasn’t even sure what the heck it was or how to do it. I was called into a meeting with the President of the foundation and my VP, the CFO, and a few other muckety-mucks.

They had discovered an error involving a very high-profile donor. They had figured out the issue and had a great solution, but the big worry was how (or if) to tell the donor about the error. I was new, so I sat there with my mouth shut and tried to learn. We ended the meeting with no resolution.

Another meeting was scheduled, followed by another, and each time, no final decision was made about how to handle the situation.  

Inside the office, the atmosphere was tense. Leadership and colleagues were wringing their hands, worried about how to handle it. The conversations were full of fear: “What if he never gives again?” “What if we make the situation worse by bringing it up?” “Should we wait to see if it blows over?”

So, another meeting was scheduled, and for those of you keeping track, this was the fourth meeting scheduled to talk about the same donor. Before the meeting, I took a little initiative and called the donor myself. Everyone seemed afraid to tell the donor about the error and to own the mistake. And I decided to lay on the hand grenade myself. 

In my inexperience, I just picked up the phone and called. When the donor answered, I introduced myself, explained that I was the new Director of Donor Relations, and said plainly: “I’ve discovered an error with your gift, and I want to apologize. I’d also like to talk with you about how we can make it right.”

He did not hold back. He was angry, and he made sure I knew it. But instead of defending, I listened. I acknowledged his frustration. I told him about our ideas to resolve the issue, but that I wanted his input before proceeding. When he asked how this could have happened, I said that it was my error and I apologized. He was stunned.

He knew I was the newest employee and that I had not made the mistake, and he asked me why I would take the blame for something I did not do. I told him that it was my job to ensure that we did right by him, and all our donors, and that we could and would do better.

His tone changed instantly, and he thanked me for being brave, for taking responsibility, and for being honest. By the end of the call, we had agreed upon a solution. The mistake didn’t disappear, but the donor felt heard, respected, and valued.

When I walked in to that fourth meeting, I shared with our leadership that I had handled it. I took the responsibility and told them how he wanted us to resolve it. To say they were shocked would be an understatement. The foundation President stopped me after the meeting and asked if I knew who the donor was. I shook my head ‘no,’ and he said the donor was not only a large donor to our organization but also served as President of the Board of Regents for the state. I laughed nervously and said, "Well, it was better that I did not know that before I called him.” My President just shook his head and walked away smiling.  

I learned a lot from that one phone call, and honestly, that moment changed the way I thought about donor relationships forever. It taught me that repairing trust requires courage, humility, a little humor, and above all, genuine care for the donor as a person. The level of gift should never matter; all donors deserve the same level of respect. 

Why Repairing Trust Matters

Our donors are not ATM machines. They are partners, investors, and people who care deeply about the mission. As with any relationship—personal or professional—misunderstandings, mistakes, and disappointments will occur, but how we handle these less than ideal situations is what matters most.

Research shows that donors leave organizations not primarily because of solicitation “fatigue,” but because they feel unappreciated, taken for granted, or ignored. Penelope Burk’s Donor-Centered Fundraising study found that timely, personal, and meaningful acknowledgment is one of the strongest drivers of donor retention. Conversely, a lack of acknowledgment is one of the top reasons donors stop giving.

That means that how we respond to conflict, disappointment, or errors matters as much—if not more—than how we steward donors when things are going smoothly. In fact, resolving a conflict effectively can create what psychologists call the “service recovery paradox”—the idea that people who experience a problem that is well-handled are often more loyal than those who never experienced a problem at all.

The key here is handling it well. Here are seven practical strategies, rooted in both my personal experience and best practice, for repairing donor relationships when something goes wron

1. Listen First and Respond Quickly

When a donor is upset, time is of the essence. Delayed responses can feel like avoidance or indifference. A quick phone call or personal email that says, “I hear your concern and I’d like to talk,” can go a long way.

The most important step in this first interaction is listening. Let the donor vent. Let them explain what they experienced. Resist the urge to jump in with explanations or justifications. Simply listening with respect and patience communicates that you care about their perspective.

Tip: Use phrases like:

• “I understand why you feel frustrated.”

• “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

• “Your perspective is really important.”

2. Offer a Genuine Apology

Too often, organizations use apologies that shift blame: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.” These phrases can make donors feel dismissed.

A genuine apology names the mistake and acknowledges the impact:

• “I’m so sorry that your fund was not spent as you intended.”

• “I regret that our thank-you was late—it’s not the standard of care you deserve.”

  
  

Honest, unqualified apologies build credibility.

3. Repair With Action

An apology without action is hollow. Donors want to know not just that you’re sorry, but that steps are being taken to fix the problem and prevent it from happening again.

Share your plan. Be specific. For example:

• “We’ve updated our acknowledgment system, so thank-yous go out within 48 hours.”

• “We’re instituting an extra round of review for all endowed funds to avoid this in the future.”

  
  

By showing concrete steps, you turn a mistake into evidence of accountability.

4. Involve Leadership When Needed

Sometimes, the situation calls for more than just staff-level communication. A phone call or handwritten note from the president, CEO, or dean can make an enormous difference.

Involving leadership signals that the donor’s concerns are valued at the highest level and that their partnership matters deeply to the organization. Note: I understand now that it should have been the foundation President to call that high-profile donor, not me, but I am still grateful for the lesson I learned by doing it.  

5. Reaffirm Their Impact

After emotions cool, remind the donor why they gave in the first place. Share a story, an update, or a photo that connects their giving to the lives they’ve changed.

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about centering the relationship on shared purpose. It helps shift the focus from the problem back to the mission.

6. Add a Personal Touch

Once the issue is addressed, a thoughtful gesture can help restore warmth. This doesn’t have to be extravagant. A handwritten note, a personalized video message from a beneficiary, or even a framed photo of a project they supported can mean more than a branded gift.

The key is thoughtfulness. Surprise and delight moments that are genuine and personal can transform a relationship.

7. Circle Back and Rebuild Trust

Repair doesn’t happen overnight. Following up a few weeks later communicates consistency and care.

A simple message such as, “I wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling about things. Your partnership is very important to us,” reinforces trust. It shows that the relationship matters beyond the original moment of crisis.

From Fear to Trust

Looking back, I’m grateful I was “too new to be afraid” when I picked up the phone to call that first angry donor. My inexperience meant I didn’t overthink it , I just acted with honesty, humility, and respect.

That experience taught me that donors don’t expect us to be perfect. What they expect is that we care enough to show up, admit when we’ve stumbled, and take real steps to make things right.

Remember, mistakes will happen; it is inevitable—we are humans.

That first call I made may not have been my mistake, but believe me, I've made many of my own mistakes over the past three decades in donor relations. What defines us is not the mistake itself, but how we respond. As I mentioned above, Kintsugi doesn’t try to hide the repairs, but rather it uses stronger materials to strengthen and reinforce. When we respond with humility, authenticity, and action to our mistakes with donors, we are using the Kintsugi principle, we don’t just repair donor relationships—we strengthen them.  

Because when we handle with care, a moment of frustration can become the key turning point of loyalty.

Written by Angie Joens