Leading Through Underperformance: Empathy, Clarity, and Accountability for Donor Relations Teams

Most people want to do good work. As leadership expert Marcus Buckingham has observed, when performance falters, the more productive question is not “Who failed?” but “What is getting in the way?” That mindset is foundational for effective leadership, particularly in donor relations, where trust, consistency, and credibility shape every donor interaction.

Managing underperformance is one of the most uncomfortable and essential responsibilities of leadership. When a team member or an entire team struggles, the impact extends well beyond internal operations. Donors notice missed commitments, inconsistent communication, and breakdowns in follow-through.

At the Donor Relations Group, we often remind leaders that performance management is not a compliance exercise. It is a stewardship responsibility. How leaders respond to underperformance directly influences team culture, staff retention, and ultimately the donor experience.

This is where soft skills matter most.

Long before today’s leadership models and performance frameworks, effective leaders understood a core truth: people are more likely to improve when they feel respected, understood, and valued. Empathy, clarity, and genuine interest in others are not “nice-to-haves.” They are essential leadership skills, especially when navigating performance challenges.

Together, these principles offer a powerful lens for addressing underperformance without eroding trust, morale, or engagement.

Begin With Understanding, Not Judgment

One of the most important leadership shifts when addressing underperformance is moving from judgment to understanding. Leaders often assume expectations are clear and universally shared. In reality, expectations can be interpreted differently based on experience, role clarity, workload, and competing priorities.

People also have different capacities. A useful analogy is a rubber band. Everyone can stretch, but not everyone stretches the same distance or at the same pace. What looks like underperformance to a leader may feel like maximum effort to a team member.

Before labeling performance as insufficient, donor relations leaders should pause and ask a few critical questions:

• Are priorities clear and stable?

• Does the team member have the tools, data, and access they need?

• Is the timeline realistic?

• Is this work aligned with the individual’s strengths?

In donor relations, underperformance is often a signal, not a failure. Missed deadlines, incomplete reports, or inconsistent stewardship may be symptoms of deeper issues, such as unclear direction, insufficient training, misaligned roles, or burnout.

The Role of Soft Skills in Performance Management

Addressing underperformance effectively requires far more than technical expertise. In practice, soft skills enable leaders to have honest conversations without damaging trust.

People are willing to change when they feel respected and understood. Effective leaders lead with curiosity, emotional intelligence, and active listening. They create space for honest dialogue and psychological safety, allowing employees to surface obstacles before they become chronic problems.

In donor relations, where work is relational, deadline-driven, and emotionally demanding, soft skills directly influence outcomes. Leaders who lack empathy or default to control often see disengagement rise, even if output appears stable in the short term.

Micromanagement is a common response to underperformance, but it rarely addresses root causes. Instead, it undermines autonomy and trust. Autonomy, paired with clarity, is far more effective than oversight, paired with suspicion.

Motivation, Meaning, and the Silent Exit

Performance is deeply connected to motivation and meaning. When employees no longer see how their work connects to purpose or donor impact, disengagement often follows.

This disengagement can quietly evolve into what is often called “silent quitting.” Employees continue meeting basic expectations but withdraw emotionally. This is rarely caused by laziness; more often, it reflects unclear expectations, inconsistent feedback, or a sense that effort goes unnoticed.

Leaders who regularly connect daily work to donor impact, acknowledge progress, and reinforce purpose create teams that are more resilient during challenging seasons. Appreciation does not mean avoiding difficult conversations. It means ensuring those conversations take place in a context of respect.

Using Assessments to Build Understanding and Alignment

One of the most effective ways to address underperformance is through greater self-awareness and alignment. Leadership assessments can be valuable tools when used appropriately.

Tools such as StrengthsFinder help team members identify what they naturally do well and how to leverage those strengths more intentionally. In donor relations, success depends on a wide range of strengths, including strategic thinking, relationship building, communication, execution, and analysis. Performance improves when responsibilities align with strengths rather than forcing uniformity.

Personality frameworks like the Enneagram can also offer insight into motivation, communication styles, and stress responses. Understanding how individuals respond under pressure allows leaders to tailor feedback, support, and expectations more effectively. This reduces miscommunication and builds trust.

Assessments should never be used to excuse performance issues. Instead, they provide contextshift conversations from blame to problem-solving, and help leaders meet people where they are while still holding them accountable.

Accountability Without Alienation

Compassion does not eliminate accountability. It strengthens it.

Clear expectations and documentation remain essential components of performance management. Leaders should document concerns factually and consistently, focusing on observable behaviors and outcomes rather than assumptions or intent.

Conversations should be direct but respectful. Address issues early, explain why expectations matter, and invite collaboration on solutions. Set clear, measurable goals together, establish regular check-ins, and ask team members how they define success and what support they need. Shared ownership increases commitment.

Regular check-ins can reinforce progress, but leaders must remain mindful of meeting fatigue. Short, focused priority conversations often provide more value than frequent, lengthy meetings. The goal is alignment and support, not surveillance.

Performance Management as Donor-Centered Leadership

When underperformance appears across a team, leaders must look beyond individuals and assess systems. In donor relations, misalignment with advancement services, data teams, or frontline fundraisers can create structural performance challenges rather than personal ones.

Just as important, leaders must address underperformance at the individual level. When one person consistently falls short of expectations, the effects often extend beyond that individual’s work. Responsibilities may shift to other team members, deadlines may be missed, and high performers may begin to feel that expectations and accountability are not applied fairly.

If left unaddressed, individual underperformance can gradually undermine trust, morale, and the team’s overall effectiveness. Leaders should approach these situations with clarity and empathy, seeking to understand the root cause while establishing clear expectations, support, and accountability. Leaders should evaluate whether priorities are clear, workloads are sustainable, and success is consistently defined. They should also reflect on their own leadership behaviors. Influence begins with self-awareness.

Ultimately, managing underperformance is not about fixing people. It is about creating the conditions for people to succeed.

For donor relations leaders, this work is inseparable from stewardship. How teams are led internally shapes the experience donors have externally. Leaders who combine clarity, compassion, strong soft skills, and intentional accountability build cultures where people feel valued, and donors feel well served.

That is not just good management. It is donor-centered leadership in action.

Removing the Barriers to Good Work

Most people want to do good work. That truth should shape everything an effective leader does.

When donor relations leaders ask “What is getting in the way?” rather than “Who is at fault?”, the conversation shifts. Accountability becomes clearer, not softer. Expectations become more achievable, not lower. Trust becomes stronger, not more fragile.

Performance management, at its best, is not about correcting people. It is about removing obstacles, clarifying purpose, and aligning strengths so individuals and teams can succeed. It requires soft skills as much as systems, empathy alongside documentation, and patience paired with follow-through.

In our work as donor relations professionals, this work carries added weight. Our teams are stewards of relationships, promises, and institutional credibility. How we lead internally shapes how donors experience our organizations externally.

When leaders commit to understanding before judgment, influence before control, and stewardship before compliance, underperformance becomes a moment of leadership rather than a failure of it. And, when barriers are removed, people rise to meet the work they wanted to do all along.

Ready to become a stronger donor relations leader?

They stay curious, ask thoughtful questions, share ideas, and are always looking for better ways to serve donors and strengthen their programs.

At our Four Pillars Conferences, you'll discover practical strategies you can put to work immediately, engage in honest conversations with peers who understand your challenges, and leave with fresh ideas, renewed energy, and the confidence to lead your team with more empathy, clarity, and accountability.

Written by Holly Kizer